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Online dating?

My friend BG has gotten into online dating recently and signed up for Match.com and Match Affinity. I’ve been thinking about the pros and cons of having a go as well. On the plus side the women are all pre-invested in the idea of meeting someone. They are not out in bars giggling and capturing IOIs or like a lot of girls just not really sure what they want. They want a fella and that’s why they signed up.  On the down side generally the hotness level is not particularly high. A lot of these girls are off the boil: over 30 with that awful plumpness that British women do so well. BG was showing me some of the ‘selection’ available and I was seeing a lot of very average girls. They all seemed to have made a real effort with their pictures and worked on their profiles, which is great, but just a few little hints on the photos betrayed their approaching corpulence.
“Mmm, photo 3, look at the left arm, that’s not the arm of a thin woman”

“Nice photo but it’s that good a photo for the reason, she’s paid for a professional photographer”

“Check photo 2, look at the left of the jaw, you can see a fair double chin hiding there”

It’s amazing how many women had five photos up and looked hot on two, average on two, and ugly on one.

The other thing I’d be asking is why are they using online dating. Slim, attractive, 27 year old women with hobbies, interests and an active social life really shouldn’t be struggling to have a range of men to pick from. The counter argument is that London is a very lonely city and a lot of people dont have a good social life or know a lot of people outside of work.

BG was asking me if I’d sign up too and he suggested that even “having a few second-raters on the go” would be good practice and good for my self esteem. Maybe me doing this would be better for his self esteem than mine? Not sure. In the past I have on occasion, due to alcohol or not thinking I can get better, actually hooked up with girls I do not fully find attractive. I’ve always found it very bad for my self esteem. In fact the negative repercussions lasted for years. At certain points of my life it got even worse and I’d fail to pull women I didn’t actually find attractive.

On the fatness issue it could be suggested that I am a hypocrite, given my 20 lb post-Asia weight gain. My response to this is that since when is everything equal? So men only hook up with women who are exactly as attractive as they are? So the women earn as much money, have as good a job, are as intelligent and humorous as those guys, right? So the women actually chat up the men as much as the other way round right? Poppycock! Let me make something very clear. Women are not as intelligent as men. The women you end up with will almost certainly not have as good a job as you. She won’t be as funny or interesting as you and she certainly wont have made an effort to chat you up. She makes up for this by being ‘feminine’: gentle, submissive, sweet and ATTRACTIVE.

My other counter argument is one of evolution versus social conditioning. As I explained to BG my theory is that for 5 million years if a male was big then adding some fat just meant that apart from the obvious famine-survivability he was more capable of smashing other cavemen’s heads in as physical weight affects combat ability, so this was a positive thing. For a cavewoman being fat served no purpose apart from surviving famine.

We then got onto the bodies vs. face argument. For me body is very important. I’ve had a couple of beautiful girlfriends in the past (HB 9-10’s) and I’ve had cute/sweet looking ones with incredible magazine-level bodies.  My main past LTR was  a Taiwanese girl who most of my friends viewed as “small and cute but not hot”. Fools. They never saw her without her clothes on. Watch that Agent Provacateur advert with Kylie in it. Her body was like that. But yellower. And with bigger tits.

My conclusions? Face is for ‘face’. It’s nice to have them on your arm and show them off. But for serious bedroom work it’s the body you f*ck not the face (well you know what I mean). This has a big impact on online dating because if you’re body-driven, as I am, then it’s almost impossible to suss out beforehand the quality of the goods.

Another negative for online dating which is specific to me is that it is bypassing a skill I wish to achieve competence in. I want to be able to cold approach as this has always been a pathological fear for me. If I do online dating then it will not help me with this. Say if I got lucky then yeah, I would be hooked up with a ho but that core skill would still not have been developed. I’d be in the same situation as a lot of guys with girlfriends. They are not actually ‘good with women’. Yeah, they have one, but that was luck through work or their social contacts. If that finished they would be back on the market with no chops. I want to have those skills and I want to have those options.

A final positive on behalf of online dating. This is that it also makes it easier to help find someone with a similar physical location, attitude to career and educational background than yourself. Fair enough, but a cold approach and 30 seconds of questions in a bar can get you that too.

In conclusion I am as yet undecided. The temptation to have real world ready made day-2’s available is strong. However if I do sign up and start fishing I’ll still certainly continue with my game training as well.

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Categories: General
  1. April 20, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Tough call. Check out http://hotornot.com , http://okcupid.com and http://plentyoffish.com before you pay money for a dating site. The above are free if not very cheap and will allow you to make up your own mind without parting with any cash first. Hot or Not is also useful for getting your photos rated to know what’s good for your profile and what to use for your Facebook. It may not be the photos that you like which are your best for building attraction online.
    Quality of girls is lower in general, but not universally. Check out this girl – http://www.hotornot.com/m/r/?emid=NRAMGYB . I went on a date with her, never closed her, but we became good friends and are in each other’s social circle now. She is very cool, has a huge social circle and is very hot in my estimation (She was also 20 when I met her… prime age).
    I did online game for about a year before real-life. It definitely helps in some ways, but will never get you over approach anxiety. For me, it was mostly constructive avoidance.

    • bhodisatta
      April 20, 2010 at 10:28 pm

      Oh didn’t realise you could meet people from hotornot. Whaaaa! She’s hot!

  2. April 21, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    I’d say ignore online dating for 3 reasons:

    1. It’s full of bitter old cougars fishing for the validation they no longer get in the real world.
    2. You’ll never learn game this way. Online is for pussies to scared to cold approach.
    3. It takes fucking ages of pedestalling these women before one of them will finally meet you, and invariably they are a whale.

    You’re already well on your way to getting the real life skill set that allows you to just see the girl you like, approach, and find out very quickly if you like her and she likes you. Stick with that. Life offers no shortcuts.

    • bhodisatta
      April 22, 2010 at 8:36 pm

      Is this from personal experience? I toyed a bit with Soulmates and my friends have tried it and Match.com. Generally it seems pretty easy to get a date set up and I’ve not seen a lot of timewasting. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of ‘cougars’ unless your definition of this is a 32 year old ha ha. However there aren’t a lot of proper fit ones the standard is not so great. When I signed up for Soulmates (trial month last November) I got 10 messages in 2 weeks off really cool, interesting, down to earth but tragically spectacularly plain and unnatractive girls. I have one mate who found the mother of his child off Soulmates, his 3rd datee I think. Another mate is doing Match as above and got a first date easily.

      But that said I am in agreement on point 2. If I do it I’ll invariably hook up with some non-babe but ok-ish girl and not progress at all in developing the approach skill I crave plus the self-change I’m going through to get it.

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