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One-to-one #3

Last Friday saw me undertake my third one to one with Wisdom and Suave. As a recap my current goals are primarily to work on my AA and beyond that to start working on building the interaction. The session kicked off with Suave offering some great advice on body language. Apparently I have a tendency to do a few less than optimum things:

  1. Stand too pillar-like, arms in, feet too narrow, towering over the girls (I’m tall)
  2. I’m sometimes guilty of pecking: leaning in when I speak because I’m not speaking loud enough
  3. I ‘tower’ too much and bend my head downwards to look down on them
  4. Arms not doing enough, not expressive enough, mabye too fiddly
  5. Not enough kino
  6. When talking to more than one person I am very poor at spreading my attention and eye contact to the rest of the group

Suave got me to practice standing with the legs wider, like a strong foundation, then sort of ‘sitting’ a little on one leg, with the weight on that leg. Head is up, chin is up. I need to just look down on them with my eyes, not my head. Arms are at a slightly less than L-shape , say 4 o’ clock. Hands are palm down. As I talk I sit back, centered. If I shift my weight across legs I move across my centre. Johnny raised the good point that many martial arts have a strong concept of centre. Good boxers control the centre-line well. In Thai boxing you drop your body weight across the centre and ‘drag’ the other leg across in an arc to smash it into your opponent with a round-house kick. And of course in Wing Chun they are obsessed with the centre-line. Maybe there is something fundamental and deep here, like an Alpha is aware of the centre and can control the centre. Check out Owen on The Blueprint, the way he stands very centred, like face on to his subjects with his feet forming a 45 degree triangle. Erect, shoulders wide and dropped down and back. Head up. The arms hang from the shoulders. Watch when he moves.. his legs and arms move but this central ‘pillar’ of his torso and his centre remains there, solid.

Anyway off to the bar we went. I won’t do blow-by-blow again as I think we’re getting past that but in summary my approaches were:

One

2 set sitting. 1 Irish premAged (probably 32 and looking 40), mainly due to sun damage. 1 oz girl, plain. Hooked easily. Great reception. Talked for ages. They actually asked me not to leave! Got IOI from the Irish one.

Two

2 set at bar. Bloned UK 7.5 plus brunette UK 6.5. They were not half so warm but tolerated me. They had a far higher sense of their own value, that was obvious. Whenever they interrupted me they asked a chodey, boring question, then when I answered it made the conversation boring. Way too hard work for girls which in another country would be unexceptional. Split.

Three

Challenged by Johnny I walked to the toilet, leaned over the wooden railing thing and 3-finger turned one of a 3 set.1 French, older, 2 indian, hot, young.Great reception. They actually beamed at me. I F.U.CKING LOVE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS! Again I used my classic opener, actually the only opener I ever use, the incredibly machiavellian: “Hi, I saw you and you looked cool so I decided to come and say hi”. Sorry Mystery. Had a nice little talk. One of the Indians was my type: handsome and in a smart classy blazer-style jacket with lycra underneath. To my credit I did manage to NOT talk straight to her and focus on her friends more while kino’ing her the most. Nice. At some point I realised the 3 set was actually a satellite set of a bigger set including some males. One was really staring at me like I’d just shat in his pint. Didn’t really faze me. In fact I took a kind of delight in it. Johnny stated his philosophy to me afterwards and it’s mine, too: If girls are with you they can talk to who they like, you have no claim over them and papping yourself because a guy starts a conversation is both Beta and scarcity mentality. If the girls want to split with some other guys then so be it. At some point the conversation died a little and I split.

Four

My state was pretty good by now. After leaving the loos I spotted an older, verging on MILF girl standing along the corridor. I walked straight up and opened. Turns out her job for the night was actually holding the door shut of a room where a presentation was taking place, cue lots of ‘human door-wedge’ jokes. I noticed through the glass the presentation was showing a cool photo of Greenwich so I started talking in really visual language, painting pictures with my words:

“do you know that view? when you stand on the top of the hill.. and dusk is just creeping in.. and you hav e the whole panaroma spread out in front of you…”

Same sort of stuff from the wedding and I think I managed one or two hits of kino. It was a bit of an odd set as she was a little older than me, but it was fun. In fact she was a perfect example of How A Woman Should Age:

  1. Be hot to start with.
  2. Have a body which doesn’t put on a lot of fat
  3. Keep slim
  4. Avoid the sun
  5. Do not smoke
  6. Do not drink to excess
  7. Have fantastic cheek and bone structure. Time and time again the older, hot women that I see are the ones with the killer cheekbones.
  8. Dress stylishly or classy
  9. Be classy
  10. As your body deteriorates develop your mind. Have something to say
  11. Be charming
  12. Have poise. Exude a strong centre
  13. Don’t have kids. If you do, then put your body back together afterwards and do not make them the entire purpose of your life

Five

Off to a new bar which was smaller and noisier and didn’t have so many sets. I spotted a 3 set, all young. Agh! too late, some Asian bloke in a snappy jacket was in there. We watched him for a bit and realised he was hyper, doing dancing-monkey and generally nothing more than a confident, drugged, AFC. He split and I went up immediately with the “excuse me me and my mates were just watching that bloke and wondering what he said to you” line. Genius! They immediately welcomed the approach and the opener itself kind of painted me as high-value as I had the nerve to criticize other approaches as if I was just totally socially suave or something. They laughed at the guy and said they thought he must have been on something. I talked to them and seemed to vibe a bit. They seemed nice. One was fit, a blonde 8.5 with a nice bod and another was her shorter, not so fit, say 6.5, and the other was not fit at all… just plain. Wisdom and Suave sauntered over and I did my best to introduce them with an accomplishment introduction, which turned into a babbled ‘they’re awesome’ or something. Set went well but somehow my tactic of not being too direct to my target failed and I ended up isolated with the least fit one! F-ck. I purposefully didn’t kino her or attempt to build any attraction. Went to the loos and frantically texted Johnny to get a switch in place but when I had come back the girls had split. Probably, I imagine, because they had thought I was after Ms Plain, has self-isolated herself for me, I had not built attraction and she had telepathically communicated this to them and they had moved on.

Six

Off to a bar club. I don’t really like this place as it’s packed and noisy but it’s good training. I opened a 3 set and suddenly realised one was OLD, like 45 or something and another was a premAge, probably about 35 but looking fu(ked, and the other was a 30 year old dumpy blonde.

I initially panicked with ‘fu(k! I’ve opened a non-hot set. There are OLD women in here. They’re all man haters and will rip me to shreds’. However I tossed this thought aside and just concentrated on having a good chat. This was actually my best chat of the night. The older woman was quite interesting and we had a great talk. When she asked how I met my friends I experimented and said it was at a ‘confidence building seminar’ and she, to my surprise, was really impressed with this. At one point the youngest one actually:

OFFERED TO BUY ME A DRINK

I almost passed out. Bless her angelic heart. Refused it of course, though.

Seven

Whilst still in the above set, at a natural break, I noticed a girl next to us was sitting on a chair carved like a hand. I opened her with “is your chair making a rude gesture at me?”. Nice little situational opener. Also builds social proof.

Eight

Next set was a 2 set just beside us. Young, say 24, UK girls. Both good bods and one really fit. Not model territory but looked a bit like a slutty Christina Aguilera and had really, really good clothes: burlesque yet classy. Their sense of value was really high and they humoured me. An interesting phenomeon occurred: they, at any chance, would turn the conversation to boring Q/A topics and then sort of (I could tell) blame me for the conversation being boring. They again asked how I knew my friends and I said ‘self development conference’. The least hot one made a ‘throat cutting’ gesture and said something like “here’s a tip, if you’re talking to people don’t mention Self Development courses”. At this point I realised that these two girls, although hot, were displaying everything I hate about (some) British girls and I thought “if you think that talking about Self Development is embarassing then I think you’re pretty f-ing pathetic. In fact, you have such low value now that I am completely turned off”. Goodbye.

Nine

The last set was an Indian girl and 2 black girls. All not fit. Good reception from them, though. The girl is from the North like me so I play the old North-card a bit. From some things she says about her familiy I actually stun her by guessing her familiy’s name. Turns out I went to school with her cousin. Amazing. From then on it was just easy. Some guy comes up who I think is their friend but is actually just a player who is socializing like me. I talk to him for a bit and he’s quite interesting. I actually consider getting his number and going for a beer with him sometime but just the thought that the first number-close I ever get is from a man would be so awful that I don’t do it. The good thin about this set was that it was just “socializing fun”. There were actually about 4 different sets interweaving, with the other dude and the Indian girl weaving between them. Not trying to get anything from anyone but just doing that “I’m out, I’m talking to lots of people, I’m having a laugh” thing. The way everyone should reallly, but doesn’t. I watched this at work and joined in and then just realised… hang on. This is fun. Just talk to everyone. Just flit from set to set. Try and join them up. Have a laugh. Why so serious wabbit? I’ll remember this set and remember how being in this “nexus” felt.

The night was over and what had I learned?

  • God I am making progress.My AA is dropping drastically. Wisdom and Suave deliberately did nothing at all to pump my state or help me with my AA and I just approached far easier than ever before. Much less prevarication. Just a sort of ‘deep breath, f**k it, go!’ attitude. The way I described it to Johnny was that I just don’t have the energy to be anxioius anymore. I can’t be bothered. I’d say my AA is in terminal decline. I really feel like this one-to-one has marked the turning point. At a rough estimate I’d track my AA like this:
Pre bootcamp 100%
On bootcamp 100%
Post bootcamp 85%
Post 121 #1 70%
Post 121 #2 55%
Post 121 #3 35%

I just don’t give that much of a sh1t anymore. I’m not saying it’s gone.. I’m still not an Approach-Machine. I still lost a few sets. I still turn my nose up at a lot of sets and find some reason not to approach them.. but my lord what progress.

  • The guys pointed out that sometimes I tend to absorb the energy level of the set. If they are at 3/5 and I go in at 4/5 then I rapidly drop to 3/5. What I should be doing is pulling them up to my level.
  • Girls are generally sh,it conversationalists. They never have to chat anyone up, to be honest. If you give them a chance to speak they ask some lame, boring, chode Q/A question and ruin any vibe. Then they will blame you for being boring!
  • Girls love being approached by: nice, polite, non-drunk, non-sleazy guys who project confidence (so they don’t have to feel that awful proxy uncomfortablness).
  • Generally girls look 5hit over 30. Except when they don’t, which is rare. Plenty of girls are what I’m going to call premAged. They are about 32 and just look… worn out. Too much sun, too much booze, too much smoking, not enough good living. It doesn’t have to be this way. I dated a 45 year old woman in 2006 when I was 32 and she was HOT. At 45!!
  • Kino is a weapon and must be used. There is no option if you want to build attraction.

After splitting from set #1 Johnny asked me why I’d wrapped up and I said I had ‘milked the set for all it was worth to me’. He laughed and asked me if I really was a ‘value giver’, as I had earlier claimed to be. I’ve though about this and think that despite the creepily cold way I phrased it that yes, I am a value giver. I believe that in each of my sets of that night I enriched those women’s nights a little. They were better off for having spoken to me than for not having. I realise this sounds horribly pompous but I struggle to see how else I can say it. Even the 2 sets that didn’t go so great those girls probably loved it because it made them feel big and even more high value.

Am I ‘using’ these sets. Yes, I am talking to them not ultimately because I want to give them value, but because I want to build social skills. However, in the course of doing this I am giving them value. Is it ‘using’ a set when you don’t want to go anywhere with it? NO!! Is that not the opposite of what is taking value? Is it not taking value when you only talk to a set because you want it go go somewhere?

I’m looking forward to the next one-to-one. I really think I am making great strides now and am starting to build up a head of steam and make real progress. I am maybe nearing the end of the beginning…

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