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The Dip

Since my cup of coffee I’ve been gradually getting back in the saddle with daygame. Last Saturday, coffee day, I did 5 sets and got three closes. I’ve indulged in some text game and got a provisional (50/50 probably) date for Thursday with an Italian girl.

Sunday I went out with SalsaLord, Krauser and Jambone and we all had a good wander. I did eight sets in total and had fun but came to the interesting realization that I am now having less success with daygame than I did at the start!

The Dip

The best success I had with daygame was back in summer when out of ten approaches I could get a couple of Facebooks and a couple of numbers. Now I’m doing eight and getting nothing. What’s going on? Krauser nails it for me.

Basically back then my intent was not a fraction as strong as it is now. I’d approach direct and the opener itself would create a tiny frisson of sexual energy but my behaviour and subcommunication did not show a really strong sexual intent. This is why direct openers work best for newbies: the opener itself creates the sexual charge that they themselves cannot. So I’d open these girls, pump their state a little, show little intent and just chatter for a while and get the number or facebook. Now I have this monstrous intent burning through me and a much stronger masculine core. I have much more masculine energy now. Looking at a girl I absolutely am in touch with my desire to fuck her, I absolutely will push to take her there and then for an instant date, I absolutely will verbally escalate her and I will quite happily take her to the toilets there and then and do her. I have no issues with this chain of events. So what happens is when I go up and approach direct it’s just too much. Intent needs to be balanced with a playful vibe. I quote Ross Jeffries:

“Wrap a challenging, playful energy around a strong, commanding intent.”

(which is pretty much Krauser’s mojo in a nutshell).

So I’m now at The Dip. I’ve reached a new phase and my success will probably diminish for a while then come back stronger. I need to put the next piece of the jigsaw in place; which is getting my playful vibe up to scratch.

Vibing

I’m fascinated by the art of vibing. Vibing is floating and free associating. I found it really hard today until set five when it just clicked and I started to roll with it a little. There’s a few things to consider when talking about vibing:

Raw material

Ultimately only people with the raw goods in their soul are ever gonna get there properly. There’s a fair few sociopaths in the PUA community who learn the trick of it, like the vampires in the Anne Rice books learn the knack of passing themselves off as human but in general I believe your ability to vibe and be funny is dependent on how much of a soul you have, and you can’t grow souls. Luckily I have an awesome one in-built.

Volume

Even assuming you have a soul then you can still have layers and layers of shit a and filth piled on top of it. I’m 36, I’ve been learning to put up barriers and close things down for about 16 years now. It takes time to undo this. Every time you open a girl there’s still all that shit and social conditioning in a knot inside of you. Sets, sets, sets my boy. Get some numbers under the belt. Volume comes in two flavours. The first is per-session, where you need to do a few sets to warm up. For me it seems to be about four at the minute. The other is the long term volume, as just mentioned.

Roller-blinds

Vibing is about seeing the connections between things and hopping between them in an interesting and amusing manner. One problem I’m having is that I have conditioned myself to deliberately not vibe. As a young chode I was a brilliant viber and comedian, and would unwittingly hold court in a bar with ease and talk to women for hours, holding them in rapture. Of course I’d assume they could not possibly fancy me so I’d get up and get the bus home but that’s a different story. From this perceived failure to get any rewards from my efforts I slowly started to become less and less vibey and personable, gradually over the space of about ten years clamming up. When presented with a feed line in a conversation part of my brain would slam shut a metal roller-blind and refuse to make the vibe-leap to a new node and return some value, because I’d learned that this got no results. Of course this was a negatively reinforcing loop.

Basically being a miserable, hate-filled bastard was not good for my vibing skills. What I’m doing now is trying to gradually undo this conditioning. First off I need to stop the roller-blinds from slamming shut and secondly I need to actually build the skill back up again; the mental agility and creative thinking.

Daygame frame

This ties in nicely with my new daygame frame. Which, er, is basically the frame Johnny Wisdom tried to instill in me months ago. Daygame is not a chore; it’s a privilege. If it’s ever a chore then you aren’t doing it right. You should see the streets as a big chocolate box and you can wander around taking little nibbles of all these different chocolates for free. Daygame should get more fun with each set you do, and if it isn’t then you aren’t doing it right.

Daygame, if done right, is an inherently positive thing. You are not taking value from girls; you are adding value. You get filled with energy from the experience and so does she. You’ve created something from nothing. All those sheep, bustling about their lives with their headphones in and you’ve stopped someone and had a great few minutes conversation with them.

The right daygame frame is very positive. You’re going to go out, have a wander, have a laugh and if you see any cute girls go up and chat to them: adding value to their life that day and creating positive energy in you both. The problem I’ve been having recently, and I realize this sounds odd as I type it, is that this frame doesn’t fit in with my generally extremely negative view of the world. From getting into this daygame frame I’ve realized that this positivity does not come naturally to me; as I’m generally in my head mulling over all the terrible, shit things about the world, the economy, feminism and local government. I actually asked Krauser today how on earth he manages to be so light-hearted when I know the awfulness of the grotesque death of Britain and western culture bothers him as much as it bothers me.

So this is progress. Daygame is helping me get out of this negative fug. It forces me to compartmentalize my negative feelings about the world around me. Yes, it’s shit and I hate it but I have a choice to not let this make me feel negative all the time.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Daygame done wrong is exhausting. I remember in the summer psyching myself up for a session of daygame. I’d go out, burn through it then be emotionally drained after a few hours. Today’s daygame didn’t feel like daygame at all. We just wandered and chatted and had a laugh.

Conclusions

Limiting Beliefs

My avoidance weasel has been whining recently about how bad a time of year it has been to game. Well maybe December was awful but if today’s anything to go by…. It’s on! It was dark and cold and at about six o’clock girls were on their way home but Oxford St was choked with fanny. Sets everywhere. All sorts. All types. If every night was like today then I’m sure that you could daygame from 5 to 7pm and have a limitless amount of sets.

If it’s not fun it’s not right.

  1. Get my frame right. Compartmentalize negative feelings about world.
  2. Practice positivity to help my daygame and vica versa
  3. Get a good wing
  4. Add value to girls you talk to. Consider their experience.

Playfulness and vibing

  1. I need to reverse the negative conditioning which slams down the anti-vibing roller shutters.
  2. I need to build up my conversational skillset again. I have literally forgotten how to be funny after years of being miserable.
  3. I need to get some volume under my belt and each time I go out I need to warm up a bit.

I think if I can push through this Dip then I’m on the way there. I think I can get there

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Categories: General
  1. noblesse oblige
    February 5, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    yay my pre-game self shivers at current me. I like your consistency. The more you do something the better you get at it. I will tell you THAT THIS POST HELP ME.

    • bhodisatta
      February 7, 2011 at 8:52 am

      Success is more about consistency than talent. Look at Krauser! (joke)
      I wish I could find the link to that Rocky speech, the one about how it’s not throwing a punch but being able to take a punch and get back up which makes you.

  1. January 13, 2011 at 12:13 am

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