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Male company.

I’ve been mulling over this issue for a while and in fact talked about it with Krauser the other day. Turns out he’s beat me to the blog with it but as his approach and style is very different I thought I’d go ahead anyway.

As a chode, a young chode, I believed that female company was important because I was under the misapprehension that this would assist me in getting a girlfriend. Notice how I didn’t say “getting laid”, and notice how I said “getting a girlfriend” rather than “dating women”.

Chode belief 1: To get sex you have to get a girlfriend

The chode cannot envisage himself as capable of having a one night stand or of being high value enough to have casual relationships.

Chode belief 2: Men take value from sex.

Sex is something women dole out to you when you have proven yourself worthy enough to be their boyfriend.

Chode belief 3: All you have to do is just get one girlfriend and then the issue is solved forever; the pain is taken away.

As a chode I regarded acquisition of a girlfriend as a one-off commoditized task. I anticipated that once I had managed to get one then that would be a done deal. There was no concept of selection from the male perspective.

******************

I remember applying to university accommodation, sick with fear lest I be allocated to a male-only dormitory. At the time I almost wept with relief at being assigned to a mixed-sex residence. At university I would seek out females to befriend, under the belief that the more women liked me as a friend and the better a friend I was to them then the more likely they’d be to set me up with one of their friends as a girlfriend.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. I may as well have cut off my genitals. All I did was desexualise myself and turn myself into a non-gay GBF type eunuch. Orbiting various girls, being there for them, being present when they talked about which men they liked. A true mangina. An emotional tampon.

How could someone end up in this mess? Let’s go through it.

First off you need to have an over-feminized society where young men are denied any rite of passage into manhood. Girls get their one to womanhood when their cunts start dripping jam; it’s inbuilt. And for them it’s all a wonderful, glorious, spiritual thing but when it’s about men spunking in their beds at night it’s grubby and dirty and laughable. The is something to be reviled and mocked. Remember, women are pathologically afraid and jealous of male bonding. They’re not wired to have such strong bonds themselves (they didn’t hunt) and they fear them. Why? Because what lowers the power of a woman more than a group of men so at peace and involved in their missions that they no longer are interested in women. Women’s response? Subvert and destroy. Shame. Mockery. The usual. Let’s add two more things into the mix:

Decline of industry

Most of the men in the country used to work. And they used to work in manly jobs with their inbuilt skill hierarchies and rites of passage. Institutions of male bonding were by and large linked to these industries e.g. the social club, the pub, the factory football team, etc.

Women’s economic independence

Women get jobs now and they can claim financial independence (even though most of them still feed off men, just in more subtle ways). Thus pre-feminism that men worked and a boy got himself a job and started work was a rite of passage into manhood.

Poof! Gone. So what we’ve got now is a bunch of boys floundering around trying to work out when they’re men.

On top of this let’s put in a dysfunctional father. This doesn’t apply to all of us but this is all about me, remember. My dad’s dad buggered off when he was little so he didn’t have anyone to learn from. Shame: I paid for that. When I was entering my teens and embarking on the arduous journey to manhood generally what my father did was on a daily basis domineer me and crush my spirit in order to make himself feel big and manly. He refused to grant me an inch of recognition that I was becoming a man and mercilessly tried to control and bully me. So I ran to my mother, who petted me like her little boy, and I became over-softened. All yang not ying.

Now we stick our Bhodisatta into a school full of second raters. The problem with being really clever is if you’re not clever enough to realise the cleverest thing you could ever do is hide it, or at least make the other kids feel less shitty about the bog standard noggins they were issued with. On top of this a loathing of sports and you have a recipe for social exclusion. Little did I know that kicking the football around the playground each lunchtime was an important part of the male bonding process and that I’d suffer for my non-participation in myriad, cruel ways.

So we end up at University, delighted that we bagged a place in the mixed-sex residences. Surely the girlfriend should turn up soon? Wrong. In hindsight what I should have done is applied for the men-only dormitory and taken pleasure in bonding with a group of males and doing what a lot of men naturally good with women do: realise that women are not there to be friends with; men are. Women are there to be pursued and fucked.

So we end up in the more or less present day and I realise that what’s really missing from most men’s lives is not female company but male company. I mean, what kind of a man has the need to hang around with women? I certainly don’t. I have no desire to discuss important shit with them. I don’t respect their opinion or their right to have one. The more they talk about politics the more I hate them. The only female company I require is to meet a girl say twice a week, spend some quality time with her and have a bloody good fuck at the end of it. Beyond this all my social needs can be met by men.

I’d say this to most slightly lost latent-Alpha or Higher-Beta city-dwelling Khaki wearing city men:

What your life most needs is quality male company. The only contact you need with women is to fuck one twice a week.

It’s not just any old male company we’re after here. We are looking for time spent with men that we respect i.e. peers. Men who are Beta and surreptitiously try and bring you down are no good; and the City is full of these. What I’d suggest is engaging in an activity which has a shared purpose and which excludes women; they will corrupt the dynamic.

Some good examples of this would be sport: Rugby, Golf, Rock climbing, cycling, running. But the best one I can think of is martial arts.

Martial arts: yes

I’ve always liked the idea of being able to fight but I’ve never thought the time and pain investment versus payoff worthwhile. However I’ve recently realised that martial arts is possibly a great opportunity for some quality male bonding and this has got me raring to go.First off it’s nearly all men, or it should be. Men and women shouldn’t be sparring together. Most importantly there is a strong element of exertion, risk and emotional commitment involved in the practice of proper martial arts, and group tasks with these qualities serve to bind the group together strongly.

Of course you need a proper martial art. I’m not talking about going to an Aikido or Taekwondo club and indulging in the carefully controlled validation-pyramid populated by Betas burning with rage. I’m on about ‘real’ martial arts where everyone spars and your ranking is based on how good you are. There’s no classical bollocks. Examples would include boxing, Muay Thai, BJJ, Judo (perhaps) and MMA.

Pickup: no

Another potential area of male bonding is in the practice of pickup/game. This is an area a lot of men are working on and it’s of great importance to them. Surely this experience is a shared struggle as well, and it would be a great way to meet mates? I’d have to disagree on this one. From what I’ve seen so far the community in London has a high proportion of low quality men involved in it. There are lots of soul-less, floundering chodes emitting waves of stifling neediness. Ontop of this half of them seem to engage in subtle, pathetic games to dominate or lead each other. These are not the kind of guys you need in your life. As for the instructors: it’s a very murky world. I see plenty of Taekwondo-club style validation pyramids in place.

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Categories: General
  1. January 14, 2011 at 12:01 am

    There were a lot of women at the boxing gym I used to go to.

    I really don’t know of any place left just for men anymore. Nothing I can think of…. Well, there’s American Football. That’s all we have over here on this side of the pond… that women don’t participate in yet. And to think, I didn’t play Football as a kid, because my mommy didnt want me to. Smh.

    • bhodisatta
      January 15, 2011 at 12:02 am

      Ouch, that’s gotta hurt. The more ‘real’ the gyms the less women there are. Try MMA and Muay Thai, gyms with competing fighters in them, my guess is they’ll have less timewasting girlies. They may have a few females but they’ll be allright. Well that’s my theory anyway. I’ll be checking out some Muay Thai and MMA places in London over the next few weeks.
      I’m also thinking MMA and BJJ may be even better than boxing and Muay Thai for ‘male bonding’ as those arts have a much greater talking and communicating factor involved in the training. What I mean is in boxing/MT you spend a lot of time on the bags practising, but in BJJ everything is done in pairs and there is constant interaction.

  2. TK
    January 16, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    Where in London do you live? There is a place in Shoreditch that might be just what you are looking for – Bob Breen academy. The guy holding the monday muay thai class is a real bastard dishing out pain to newbies and because of that my favourite.

    • bhodisatta
      January 17, 2011 at 12:18 am

      Mmmm thanks for the recommendation but:
      -I have never seen wing chun or jkd taught in a fashion that would stop a very average boxer/MT from killing them in 2 seconds flat. Too much talking, too much betaness, too much nerdiness. The students are nerds. Too much jack of all trades master of none. Maybe Bob Breen is different: I can’t be arsed to find out.
      -“Dishing out pain to newbies”. Sounds like a tosser, one of those sad instructors who beast newbies so all the needy hero-worshipping ones think they’re great. Plenty of these guys thrive in classical arts like Karate. Anywhere where they get to parade round in their pyjamas with their black belt and never actually spar. Newbies should be getting zero pain. If beginners are getting hurt the instructor is shit. I fail to see why I should get any serious pain in boxing or MT until I am sparring and get caught with a blow.

      • TK
        January 17, 2011 at 7:42 am

        Yes, it is sparring that I am talking about – with the instructor actually. Good luck with your search.

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