Tips for the mid 30’s (and older) PUA
Bored at work. Knocked this up.
Get in shape
Nasty shape. The number one indicator of age is fat. You can do yourself innumerable favours by lowering your bodyfat. Don’t just get ‘acceptable’ either. Get in great shape. Lift weights and put on muscle. You are competing with mid 20’s guys, plenty of whom go to the gym and work out. We’re lucky as men; the attractiveness of our physiques, apart from proportions, can pretty much be sculpted at will and is simply a combination of low bodyfat and musculature, unlike women where it is that exquisite blend of subcutaneous fat, muscle and glowing, smooth skin which for them, unfortunately, means the attractiveness of the female body is irreversibly linked to age. Ever noticed how those older women who hone their bodies (Demi Moore, Madonna, etc) still look like skanks? They have low bodyfat, their muscles are toned but… it just doesn’t work.
If you work out you can at 35 easily have a better body than a 20 year old guy who does not work out. Have you seen the trousers the guys in Hoxton wear? I couldn’t get my arm in them let alone my leg.
Develop your physicality. Remember when you were a chode you thought that revealing sexual intent was a terrible mistake. Wrong. Women are attracted to sexual energy just like we are. Learn to use your body. Learn to dance. Do tai chi. Whatever.
Groom
Nose hair. Bushy eyebrows. Back hair. Ear hair. All indicators of age due to hormonal shifts in the body. Get rid of it.
Style
Dress well. Really well. Read what Assanova has to say. Dress snappy and smart but cool. Think Bond on holiday rather than grunge. Buy expensive clothes or clothes that look expensive. Really work on this. Do not try and be cool. That’s a young man’s game; you’ll only end up looking like a Trendy Dad or a fool. Avoid Gap. Do not wear running shoes. Fleeces are out. North Face clothing is just for the Lake District.
Be Alpha
Charmingly hesitant, Hugh Grant-mumbling, slightly understated, appeasing, liberal, supplicating, nice guy. Fuck that. If you were a hot mid-20’s girl would you like some slightly shy, nice-guy 35 year old? You are older than her. You should be a rock. Not just to bang chicks as well… just generally. If you haven’t sorted your head out by 35 and stopped apologising for your existence then you should have.
Be young at heart
I’m younger at heart than most people I meet in their early twenties, who are horribly snobby and closed minded. Try new things. Be friends with anyone you click with. Keep an open mind. Do interesting things. Travel interesting places. Be laid back. Age is in the mind, not the body. If you develop a fresh, insightful perspective on life then this shines out and makes you ‘seem young’.
Get your shit together
You’re mid 30’s. If you haven’t got is sorted then why would you be attractive. You live in a nice apartment. You dont’ have posters on the wall, you have prints. You buy good food and can cook. Your life is organised. You are financially solvent. You have a plan. Your career is going where you want it to.
Don’t try to be hip
It’s painful. I don’t bother. Have you heard Band X? I don’t give a sh!t. You are there to be her pillar of manly strength, not to discuss the latest pop sensations. She may try finding out what things you like. Make sure they are intellectual and sophisticated and hopefully out of her price range. Movies? Japanese art house. Music? There’s a reasonable Spanish guitarist you’re listening to. Why are you even having this conversation?
Avoid her social circle (thanks Ross Jeffries)
Essential. The more you hang out with her friends the older you look. Don’t even go there. You aren’t interested. You like her because she’s fun, energetic, sweet, etc but why would you want to hang out with her friends. You have your own friends. You are not her generic boyfriend. You are the guy who is f**ing her while all her Beta trendster friends are riding their tiny, tiny bicycles round Shoreditch.
Be realistic
Only go for people two points above you at most. If you’re a six then you can pull 8’s. The bottom end of your age feasibility bracket is approximately ten years below yourself and ten years above. If you’re 35 you can, with the right chops, pull 25 year olds. If you’re 45 then go for 35 year olds. Yeah yeah we all hear about the Ross Jeffries’, the 52 year old guys pounding 21 year olds. These are the exceptions. With enough work you may be able to get it but do you need it? Wouldn’t you be happy pounding a hot 42 year old?
Avoid tens
Tens are hard work. A good number of them have based their lives around their looks and are insufferably high value actresses or models. Dont bother.
Do online dating
A lot of people in the community knock this because it invalidates the game model they’re making money teaching. The quality isn’t so good online but it’s a remarkably effective machine at providing you with a constant stream of dates to practice your skills at, and can probably provide you with a couple of non-ideal girls you can hump away at while you try get a hot one from game.
Consider obsessing less about women’s ages
Yes women look better when they’re younger but your HB9 at 40 will look better than your HB7 at 20. Stop listening to the fascism of the PUA community that the only thing which defines a womans worth is her looks and age. If they’re just generic womb-carriers with nothing to add then it probably is but there are some charming, witty girls out there and if you find one and chat for a while you won’t give a damn she’s 32 rather than 25.
Consider personality
It’s a sad fact that this is almost heresy within the PUA community. The PUA community in general rates women solely on looks yet delights in complaining of lack of personality in women. You are not under peer review here. Who are you trying to impress? What is acceptable to you in terms of looks is all that should matter. This is not a competition.
Go Asian
Asian culture is far more accepting of the young girl/old guy paradigm. And quite rightly so. Their societies have not been so infected by the feminazi agend of ours and still manage to see sense. If more women in America and Britain had just a pea-sized amount more grey matter or just one strong male friend they’d maybe be able to think beyond the end of their own nose and do basic mathematics and work out that messing men around until age 30 then panicking is really not the best life strategy. Asian culture is more marriage and family oriented. Asian girls actually want to get married. They don’t waste time so much. A 25 year old oriental girl, unless she has been ruined by over-exposure to the wester social conditioning, will not skip a beat at the thought of dating a strong, confident, charming, solvent 40 year old man.
Beware the Game
Don’t get obsessed with Game in itself. It’s a means to an end. Don’t waste time on PUA forums. They’re full of liars and losers.
1:4 Study to practice
A particular danger for the older PUA is sitting inside reading books and making notes. This is easier than running about in the cold humiliating yourself. Which is the problem. Any ‘game journey’ you are undertaking should involve four times the hours out doing it than reading about it. Apart from maybe at the beginning if your ratios are not like this then adjust them or give up.
Go Deep
If you’re 35 and have not had much success with women likelihood is there’s a very good reason for this. Assuming you do not have C-cup man tits then probably you lived a life of social conditioning and Betaness, maybe had one or two girlfriends who you deferred to, then eventually ended up getting more and more bitter. First step. Sort your inner game out. Stop hating women. Watch The Blueprint. Go on self development courses. Read books. Take up meditation. Introspect. Read The Fountainhead. Get rid of loser friends. By now you’ve probably been playing the role of “nice guy but hilariously incompetent with women” to your friends and family for years. Reinvent yourself. Get rid of friends who neg you to make themselves feel good. If you have attractive female friends you secretly like get rid of them. Cultivate new interests. Change. Do you want to be 45, single and bitter? This is your LIFE we are talking about here. This is the most important thing you’ll ever do.
Avoid bar game
Bar game is massively overrated. The older PUA should be focusing on daygame and online game.
Invest
Throw money at the problem. If you’re over 35 you should have some. If you don’t then how do you expect to support a pregnant woman. Don’t think that isn’t running through all their heads. Go on a bootcamp. Hire a personal coach. Why not? People get a personal trainer for the gym and this is way more important. I did five one-to-ones and they changed my life. If you’re ugly get plastic surgery. Buy nice clothes. Hire a personal shopper.
Prioritise
Consider taking time off work and just doing game. The aim is not to become a sad obsessive but just to build up a head of steam. Life is busy. Work tires you. Game gets easier the longer you do it. Most people drop out at the start. You need to devote a lot of time here. This will not be easy. Take a couple of months off and daygame six days a week and hit the bars a couple of times per week as well. If you are mid 30’s you have precious little time left in which pulling 20-something girls is ‘easy’. No girl in her 20’s dreams of a 40 year old boyfriend.
Get a plan. Make sure it has a beginning, middle and end.
Work out what you want.A nebulous “success with women” isn’t good enough. Which women? What type? What age? How many? When? Then what. Where does this end? At what point is the experiment over? If you’re 35 and like me then an example goal could be:
Over the next 12 months improve my skills with women to the point where I am confident and suave interacting with them. Pull five 22-28 year old, HB7> girls and MLTR them over the course of a few months. Internalize that I am attractive to women. Reduce the quantity of MLTRs and look for long-term potential. Go back to real life.
Good luck.
Bhodisatta.
Bhodisatta's Blog. 
Hey mate, really good blog. I love your writing style.
With regard to getting to really good shape – is this a “to do” for you, or are you already in really good shape?
Thanks for the compliment. Regarding your question…. why does it matter to you?
I’m not in my 30s yet, but I still think there’s much I can take from this.
I need to buy new clothes. My wardrobe is better than it was 6 months ago, but still needs about £600 worth of investment. It’s more than I can afford though.
Putting in the time in field is my biggest hold up at the moment. I do have to admit this is plain laziness on my part. Everyone who got good seems to have done 1000+ sets. I know what I have to do, I just need to kick my own ass. Couldn’t imagine taking time off work to get the sets in… I really can’t afford to. Money is starting to be a big issue for me when it comes to game. The price of going on online dates starts to add up. Have started going for interviews. A 20% pay rise should sort me out.
It’s the same with working out. Just doing it 1 – 2 times a week at the moment. I’m not in awful shape, but I’d really like to turn my body into a machine. I also need a good diet for this, but am finding it hard to be consistent. I’m starting to get there though.
I do agree with having realistic expectations of the hotness of the women I’m going to bang. I’m only ever going to bed 9a/10s after putting in loads of time to learning game and getting by wardrobe and body fully sorted. Even then I think I’d need a lot of luck and would only get girls this hot once in a blue moon. I see many people who aren’t getting laid and who start out in day game and will open only 9s/10s. I ask them about this and they say they are only going for the hotter girls. I ask them if they’re getting any pussy. They say they are not, but that’s because they’re only going for the 9s/10s. Crazy. Until you can consistently bang 6s/7s what makes people think they can bed a 10? I think it’s best to start off with 6s/7s. Get some gfs / fbs at this level. This will mean you’re getting laid consistently. It takes away the hint of desperation in your actions. I’m starting to find my standards automatically increase once I’m banging at a certain level. It’s like martial arts. 6s are a white belt, 10s a black belt. Got to master each level in turn. I also think it’s really hard to fuck a girl if you honestly believe she’s better than you. This is why I seem to be having a tough time with 8s. I just don’t think I’m good enough for them.
I think your assessment of online game is bang on. The average quality of the girls is lower, but it can get you laid *far* easier than cold approach. I think many people would be surprised how well I guy could do with online dating if he’s constantly tweaking his profile and learning how to write messages to get replies, how to deal with girls who put up resistance when trying to number close them. I recently rewrote my profile and got a huge surge of interest. I also put some new photos up. I now get one girl a week either messaging me or adding me to her favourites. My profile also gets viewed about 20 times a week, around a 1/3rd of those girls are 8s. What I really need now are HQ photos. I photograph *really* badly… as in a photo can easily take 1 – 2 points of my attractiveness level. To get around this I may get pro photos taken (by a photographer who can make the photos look good, but not look like they are pro as that is try hard). I can imagine if I can get really good photos then I can start dating more 8s. If this is the case I’d probably being doing better than most people who regularly cold approach. The community’s belittling of online game is just snobbery.
I think you’re making progress. We should get together this weekend talk through online game strategy. I need some tips.
Women are human beings you creepy fk head. I hope you get an 8 with a nasty infectious genital infection or psychotic issues. Any self-respecting woman with a decent personailty (worth getting to know) will smell your BS and self esteem issues a mile off. Cocky is not the same as confidence and integrity – from an “8.5” blonde girl.
Makes me wonder why a self righteous bitch like yourself is even reading this blog or commenting on it 🙂
Why does it matter to me whether you are in really good shape? Good question. I’m not 100% sure myself.
The line “Don’t just get ‘acceptable’ either. Get in great shape.” jumped out at me.
I really agree with this sentiment, but getting in great shape is bloody hard to do (otherwise we’d all be in great shape).
At the moment I’m trying to improve my body (I have a thread on the LSS about the trials and tribulations of it). I’ve got skinny arms and a bit of a spare tire.
One of the reasons I am interested in what shape you are in is if you are in really good shape it will serve to inspire me a bit more. When you are trying to do something it is always nice to hear other peoples success stories.
I’m also interested to see what difference having a good body will make to me and other people. If you tell me that you are a bit out of shape (skinny with a spare tire etc) but then get into shape over the next three months… I would be interested to hear your opinions on what this does for your game (whether it does wonders or does not much at all). This will be an interesting story to follow. In fact I’m kind of hoping that you are skinny or chubby and then get stacked.
The third reason is that it will tell me more about you. If you are in good shape then you are clearly a determined guy. If you aren’t but get in good shape then you are determined. I’m guess I’m using it as a KPI for your story.
I think once you’re over 30 every pound counts. I expect to have greater/any success as I get in better shape. The same guy can easily go from a 4 to an 8 on body. How can this not count? It’s not the be all and end all but it counts. It seems odd that this whole ‘Alpha’ movement say it’s all attitude when it takes little brains to realise that for a few million years a man’s physicality was the difference between life and death for a woman.
I was in good shape last August then returned to the UK, got depressed, put on 25 lbs and stopped exercising. I’ve been training for about 8 weeks now and 4 of those have been on a six day per week 1/2 marathon training program plus strength training. I’m seeing results and dropping a lot of weight. I will stop looking fat at around 210 and I guess am about 217 now (although I stopped weighing myself, which was a wise move). I expect to be at around 210 by December. I then switch to 3 months of upper-body strength training (maybe boxing, too). After that I expect to be looking great.
One thing to point out though is that I already look better than average. I’m 6’2″ with very wide shoulders. I come across as big rather than fat. Think 1950’s bodybuilder. This is not boasting; it’s fact. One thing which has really come to light for me is how much height and stature count in terms of physical attractiveness to women. They love big, tall men. It is NOT a guarantee of attraction but at a primeval level is what they’re programmed to look for. I’m therefore lucky. I have a better physique than I ever realised most of my life, just by being tall and broad. I’d say that a man over 6’2 and being reasonably broad built is probably the equivalent of a chick packing D cup wabs and having a nice round ass. Awesome. I didn’t realise you were an LSS’er. I’ll check your thread.
You’re right that women “love big, tall men”. Would you believe that I didn’t understand this well enough when I was younger? I had the hottest girlfriend for the first half of my 20’s (one of only two truly hot women I’ve dated in two decades of adulthood–both times it was dumb luck) but she eventually left me, and as far as I can tell, it was because she felt “like a cow” around me. I was 5’10” and extremely thin at the time–125lbs versus 145lbs after some eating and lifting–and our sex was gentle. She was maybe 5’6″ and 140lbs (super curvy with the smallest waist I’ve seen on a girl with so much natural tits and ass). Nowadays I much prefer women who aren’t even close to me in weight or height. I genuinely enjoy small women, and there are great benefits (in terms of security of the relationship, if I want it) for a light fellow like me: 1) while they may prefer men who are larger and taller than me, they’re not going to be able to tell the difference very easily when we’re in bed, because compared to them, I’m HUGE. 2) That fact alone makes me more self-confident around them, and in I can be much more aggressive, moving them around as I please and generally dominating them–I wish I understood how important that is to women when I was younger.
I’m a ‘hard gainer’ and can’t realistically put on much more muscle. My best bet is to keep the muscle I have, not get fat, and wear trim clothing.
Another well-written post Bhodisatta. Furthermore, as 40 year old this is all very relevant to me, in particular your warnings about the time constraints that older men face. In one respect I’m lucky: I look *much* younger than my age. Even in broad daylight women frequently assume that I’m just over 30. But it’s clear to me that soon this will no longer be true, primarily because I’m greying, allergic to hair dye, and hitting the first stage of what will probably be serious hair loss eventually. I became complacent in my 30’s, thinking that I’d look young for years to come, and I have personality traits that allowed me to sit back without the proper sense of urgency with respect to dating. For example, during my 30’s, often times I had access to an unattractive (or modestly attractive) woman to bang casually, and that was enough to allow me to think that I was ok with women, and that good things (i.e. more desirable women) were around the corner for me. But I wasn’t doing anything to make that a reality. Also, I was beginning to feel tired on a regular basis, meaning that I didn’t want to go out as much, or if I did go out, I didn’t want to approach.
Side-note about ageing and sleep: poor sleep quality can hit at relatively young ages. I was a world-champ sleeper throughout my 20’s, but by age 35 getting enough quality sleep had become difficult for me, though I didn’t realize it at the time. Let me tell you: if you feel tired a lot, even when you have enough time to get the sleep you need, don’t hesitate to seriously evaluate the factors that could be affecting your sleep quality (caffeine, alcohol, etc.) and do push to have your sleep evaluated in a lab. Sleep quality problems can sink you without your full awareness, because it changes slowly enough that you don’t realize what has happened before you’ve wasted a few years not living up to your potential at work and in your social life. Picking up women is much harder when you’re dull!
Given my time constraints as an older fellow I’m tempted to quit my job to pursue game full-time. I’m loaded compared to younger men and even people my own age, and given this, I may be a fool for focusing on money so much at this stage in the game. The thought of quitting is scary though. I’m certain I won’t be able to replicate the favorable conditions that I have at my current job at a world-famous Internet company. Quitting would be placing a bet that I have very little time to become better with women and find what I want before it’s too late, when really, I don’t know what the future holds for me (or my hair).
Wow. Huge comments. Are you writing a diary or something in the comments section of my blog? I really wish you’d spend all this time and effort praising my genius instead of talking about yourself. You think I write these posts so you can come and talk about yourself? Wrong. Let’s say for every sentence of fawning praise you could write one sentence about yourself.
In terms of what you should do then as per a response I left on a previous comment of yours it sounds like you don’t really know what you want. You can’t have everything. Work out the options, spool them forward to see where they’d take you in 5 years time then decide which one to go for. I personally have made the decision that eradicating the gnawing, corrupting, cancerous bitterness of a lifetime of unfulfillment with women by taking time off and screwing the livers out of 20 year old Japanese students is worth more than sitting in an office bored out of my mind growing old and watching numbers in a bank account go up.
Tim Tim. You are 50 now. Wow. What happened?
I really liked your blog ! You are from London ? do you need a sarging buddy ?
Excellent column..I just turned 48 and am scared out of my mind I will die single ! I made the choice to follow my passion to be an actor from 42-46 yrs after being in college from 38-to finally getting my BA at 41….My parents are dead, I work a near minimum wage job…I am more or less done with acting..Trying to find a better job/casreer before I hit 50 along with a girl and a condo..>Scary ass shit ! No fawning bro !
I won’t lie, I wouldn’t want to be in your situation; but then again 20 year olds are saying that about me and I don’t care. Better late than never.
What can you do?
-Get fit. Get a routine. Listen to Tony Robbin’s stuff. All of it.
-Get control of your emotions and fear. Do meditation as well as listen to the tony robbins stuff
-Sort out your career and finances first. At your age I would ignore the corporate ladder and look for Black Swans. Get the book by Naseem Taleb. Start your own business. A coffee shop. Import/export. Read the 4 hour work-week by Tim Ferris. Go for broke. You don’t have time to build a career, you’ll be retired by the time you earn. Go for broke but I don’t mean douchebag bullshit sales jobs, etc.
-Give yourself 5 years to get your finances sorted. Be realistic. Be very careful with money. Remove the need to have expensive things.
-Get real with your game. Your target area should be very late 30’s women who are desperate to have a child. Or divorcees. Or women with a child already. I am dead serious. If you get fit, are a funny, great guy and have a gameplan they will forgive you for being 48 and poor. Give them the kid. Be a good partner and dad. They can help you out financially as well. Get married. They’ll likely have more assets than you so you only have something to gain if it goes tits up. If you’re in game to ‘bang lots of young hot chicks’ then it’s game-over. It would be different if you were loaded. Having no career or money affects your options. I’m not trying to be mean to you here, i’m trying to be brutally realistic. When I was 32 I dated a girl who was 45. She was hot. Very sexy. I’m not obsessed by the PUA age-boasting. There are hot 40 year old women about make no mistake. Lots of them have had their fill of assholes and want a nice guy.
Good luck.
Interesting point about going for broke in small business versus building a career working for corporations, but if his primary goal is to find a woman to marry, targeting “very late 30′s women who are desperate to have a child. Or divorcees. Or women with a child already” he may do well with a corporate job even if he’s unable to make a great salary off the bat. That is because a corporate job would (I hope) give him enough income and free time to go to the gym, have well-fitting stylish clothes, and at least the appearance of career stability *right now*. If he can’t do that *right now* as a scrappy entrepreneur, it might be the best option. He could always do the small-time entrepreneurship thing once he’s married, especially if (as you point out) his wife has a decent job.
I see your point, but I fail to see any corporate career where someone 48 can start from scratch and get anywhere at all. Ever. Most careers take a good 7 years plus to kick in. Ageism is rife. Even if he managed it he’ll be 55 before he gets a reasonable salary. That’s only 15 years of work till retirement at 70 to pay off a mortgage and save for retirement. It’s a tough call that’s for sure.
Nobody updates this shit. Like NewWarrior will practically be finished now at almost aged 60. We need updates. What happened? Did he make the cut whilst he was in the last chance saloon?
You are a sad twat. Get a life.
Angela (29)
New Warrior, I would get into mediation and some Tony Robbins stuff. I don’t think your situation is that bad. There is always someone worse off than yourself.
Funny… I have just started meditating actually… and i’ve listened to Tony Robbins as well. Thanks.
Bodhi, Are you still full time gaming without doing a job?