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David Deida’s “Way of the Superior Man” reviewed

April 28, 2010 5 comments

fuck off Germaine

I’d like to write a very brief review of this book and its relevance to the budding PUA. I bought this book because Tyler mentions it in The Blueprint Decoded. Specifically the bit I remember him mentioning goes along the lines of “picking up women is not your raison d’etre. you should be a strong man with a clear purpose, who also picks up women”. I thought this said so much it piqued my interest and led to me buying the book.

The book is around 200 pages long and is a set of numbered points on a variety of topics. This is not in any way a pickup book. This book outlines some elements of Deida’s concept of male and female spirituality and behaviour.  If your are into inner game and exploring the dynamics of male to female sexuality or the nature of ‘Alphaness’ then this book has relevance to you. If you are ‘technologist’ and are looking for ‘game stuff’ then don’t bother.

Personally I found it a very worthwhile investment and some points he made really hit home with me. I really feel that my understanding of the male/female dynamic has increased a percent or so after reading this. It is is no way politically correct and would be construed by feminists as being grossly, horribly sexist e.g.

  • Don’t expect your women to make decisions
  • Men’s purpose is their mission. Women’s purpose is the fullest expression of love in their lives.

Which I would both agree with, although given the f*cked up state of Anglo society I’d have to replace “is” with “should be” in the above sentence. Deida really believes in masculinity and although I’ve no doubt he’s probably into some seriously tree-hugging crap but he still comes out with priceless stuff like:

“It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart. It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine”

In broad terms I’d say if you read this you will find a lot of value in some of it and disagree with plenty of it as well. Also the language he uses is pretty hardcore spiritual gobbledigook and at places and he degenerates into barely understandable descriptions of “loving through your woman into the world and dissolving into being” and the tree-huggingness does get a bit nauseating at times.  However, taking this new-age speak with a pinch of salt and plowing through the thing I think is well worth the effort. Oh, and don’t read it if you’re not very bright and have a narrow mind, you won’t understand or like it.

The bit that really hit home to me is the importance of a ‘mission’ to a man. Me and my good friend T had long talked of this, and both have long said that there has to be more out there than the daily grind. T has even now given up working on a set of secret projects. I took last year off work to try and ‘do stuff’ (and fu-c.ked it up, but that’s another story). Deida continues to say that a man’s woman will try and distract him from his mission (so true)  yet if the man succumbs to this he will be unhappy and his woman and family will suffer. He will feel unfulfilled because he is not working towards his higher goal and will not be able to love so freely and at some deep level his woman will resent his weakness. Unless of course his mission in life is to raise and protect a family, that is, but even then she’ll probably try to test him. The book is full of generalisms like this but for me a lot of them, like this one, really rang true and helped me crystallize theories I have long held.

Here are some key points he covers which I thought were pretty important:

  • A man’s goal is his mission. A woman’s goal is the fullest expression of love in her life
  • Stop seeking the destination. You’ll never be happy in that way. Seek happiness now.
  • Act now. Start now. Never put off. Work on your mission every day, even just a little.
  • Your goals can change. Sometimes they are like onions and when you reach one you realise it is merely a step on the way to another. (this whole blog pretty much shows this happening!)
  • If you dont work on your mission you’ll never be happy and you’ll never love your woman or family properly
  • Your woman will test you. She will never stop. she tests you because she loves you
  • Dont expect her to make decisions
  • Never just agree with her for the sake of it
  • Polarity is important. masculine and feminine energy are different. If you and your partner become more alike polarity dies. Your lover is not your friend.
  • Ravish your woman. Do not be afraid to love through her and into the world.

It’s only nine quid or something on Amazon. Well worth it.

ps.

Just found this. It’s a 6 minute audio-cast of Deida speaking on pickup. Deep. Very deep. Most PUA’s aint gonna like it. I think I agree with it.

Categories: General, Reviews

Chip, chip, chip.

April 27, 2010 3 comments

Reading this blog some of you might be wondering “when do we get to the bit with the f*cking in it?”. Fair point. “Probably in a good few months yet” would be the reply.

Tiny chisel, tiny hammer, chip, chip, chip… slowly, slowly taking shape. Another tiny chisel is being added because today I’ve decided to start doing lunchtime non-game confidence-building approaches. This means just walking up and saying non-gamey stuff to people, even for a single sentence:

  • Have you got the time?
  • Can you tell me where the DLR station is please?
  • Is there a bookshop round here?

Worthless coin for all you PUAs with more than a few months experience but for me it’s still worth collecting it and melting it down for scrap. The way I see it is that hestiation in doing the above comes from a similar place to AA. So if I feel ANY hesitation doing the above then if I do it and remove that hesitation then that is another tiny, tiny, tiny piece of my AA gone. Once that provides no challenge anymore then move up a level. Repeat.

I was outside this lunchtime, it was sunny and there were people everywhere. I spotted a cute Indian girl sitting alone. I went up and asked some crappy question about where the DLR was. Fine. No hook. Didn’t need one. Walked around a bit. Asked someone else the same thing. Asked someone else the time. Then I find my state rising. I’m starting to think “mmmm I need a proper set here”. Interesting. Pretty much going back to my Impromptu Daygame post in that approaching anyone builds state, and that even deliberately non-hooking, boring, openers build state. So maybe this is the way it will go: five warm up sets and one real one?

The result of this is I’ve decided to start doing five or so approaches a day at lunchtimes, but just boring non-gamey ones. I’m sure it will have a benefit. If I get in state I might even do a real one.

Categories: General

Analogue and digital

April 27, 2010 1 comment

I was thinking today about the difference between a conversation which builds attraction and one which does not. Being an RAFC this concept has until recently been pretty hard for me to grasp. I just thought that people talked, as per normal, and sometimes they ended up attracted to each other. If pressed I would have said that they found what each other had to say interesting, found some commonalities and thus ended up attracted. I think a lot of manginas think like this. Endless years of social conditioning has killed any concept of masculine to feminine polarity and they end up with a sexless, sterile conversational technique. I remember in my AFC days actually being digusted at seeing men kino women. ‘Sexists!’ I thought (although I’m sure I secretely seethed with jealousy).

Cue endless years of earnestly talking to women to try and attract them. Then ‘talking harder’, more earnestly, displaying more insight, more intelligence, more meaningful opinions. Same result: zilch. I’ve been into game a few months now and have learned a lifetime of information in that time and am now starting to become very aware that there are different types of conversation. Looking back over my last two one-to-one sessions it only took till session two that I started to realise my conversation was a little ‘sterile’. It was hard for me to even articulate it as this awareness was  a new thing to me. I felt my conversation had to be more ‘fun’. During session two I actually managed to have a little fun during conversation. This, I realise, is called ‘vibing’ in the community. It’s banter. It is having fun in a conversation where the purpose of the conversation is not the exchange of information, it is the subtext, the subcommunication.

Reading a little more since session two I come up with an analogy which I think is pretty neat.

Logical conversations are digital. Vibing is analogue.

In a ‘normal’ logical conversation it is (quoting from The Blueprint) a linear exchange of information. An attraction building conversation, which is what ‘vibing’ is, is not concerned with the linear exchange of logical information. It is about creating a conversational dynamic. Tyler describes it as ‘floating’, where you drift, not particularly concerned with any topic, you don’t chase thoughts but you let associations and ideas arise. You exchange them with your partner and the dynamic builds.

It reminds me of conversation with my gay friend T. Conversation with him is difficult as he is incapable of sticking to any one theme for longer than it creates amusement. You say something, he picks it apart, makes a joke, nudge, wink, then makes a connection, often obtuse, and moves to the next topic. Rapid fire, blam, blam, blam. And then you get sucked into the energy and find yourself having a fun, but totally disconnected conversation which in informational terms is utterly worthless. So what T is doing is vibing and building state. Incessantly.

Ok so how do I vibe? Ha! Easier said than done. Ask me in a year. In the meantime if you are an AFC then here are a few tricks which might work:

  • Make a rule to never, ever, ask the standard interview questions: ‘where do you live?’, ‘what do you do?’. I mean a real rule. As in you would rather just stand in silence than resort to it. On my one-to-one #1 I asked a pair of girls this and it was like seeing their souls die in their eyes. I mean at the comfort stage it’s probably ok but at the attraction stage I actually think you’d probably create a better vibe by saying “you look like a prostitute”.
  • (courtesy of Wisdom) Change questions to statements: thus ‘are you Polish’ becomes ‘you look Polish’ which immediately creates a spark.
  • Smile. Seriously. People smile back and it gets more floaty.
  • Say funny things. Deliberately misinterpret something they say. Act mock-offended. Whatever. I am generally not relaxed enough yet to be witty but saying something silly is probably better than saying “what do you think of Cameron’s chances?”.
  • Tease. “Do you buy your knickers on prescription?” probably being a bit too far.
  • Cross the fourth wall. I made this one up so it’s probably shit and it’s certainly a bit risky as it ‘shatters the illusion’ but sometimes if you’re in social situation X then if you make a comment to your target about social situation X then it kind of has the effect of lifting you both up out of it, making you feel special together and creates a little bit of instant rapport. An examples could be “it’s really packed in here, and it seems really superficial as well, I generally don’t like places like this” which has a big hook in it because if she feels the same then it’s worked and you’ve created shared uniqueness, but otherwise makes you look like a dick.
Categories: General

The Blueprint: Finished

April 25, 2010 2 comments

FINALLY!

Finito. Done. JIE SU LE! Ended. Over.

I feel like I’ve given birth. EIGHTEEN hours of watching and listening to Owen Cook talk in a seminar room at LAX. Over. I finally finished it tonight.

It’s taken me seven weeks to watch it. SEVEN WEEKS! All you students could probably rip through it in a few days but us working men have to steal the odd half hour here and there when we can. Seven weeks of my life trying to get through this beast. Sheesh. This post isn’t really about anything more than me being happy that I’ve finally finished.. I just had to do something to celebrate!

In hindsight I’d recommend NOT spending seven weeks watching it. I’d allocate a single week to it, clear the decks, get all personal life-admin done, stock up the larder with canned food, the fridge with refreshments, suspend all appointments, get all your laundry done… then go for it. Just get it done in a week, whatever it takes. Three hours per day Monday through Saturday and you’re done. 7 till 10pm every night. It hurts.. it requires dedication.. but just burn through it.

I intend to watch more seminars over the next few months and will use this technique rather than letting them drag on.

I’m going to write a review of The Blueprint and post it online soon.

In the meantime if anyone knows where I can buy a copy of the book please let me know.

Categories: General

My rancid Beta-ness

April 23, 2010 Leave a comment

I went to the first session of my acting class on Wednesday. It was good fun, like being back at school and getting a free reign to play games. I think the average London-Drone could do with some of this, it would help try and train their zombiefied minds how to re-integrate with other people. You could almost literally see the London-ness lifting off people as they went through the exercises.

There were three girls there and all moderately attractive in different ways: one was chubby but with big jugs and good skin, the other was clever, good arse and a lovely smile. The last was petite, skinny, good t!ts, blonde and with the psycho look of an unbalanced s8x fiend in her eye.

I am not here to meet women” I told myself. “I am here because I want to do this for fun, plus it may help build some skills I can use meet women.. and at the very least it is a conversation point which makes me sound more artsy and cool“. I started well, striding over and saying “Hi guys” to the others, who were sitting in total silence, London-style, not even speaking to each other. However this initial Alphaness started to fade and after a while my big Beta elephant started to plague me with sad, pathetic Beta thoughts. I don’t think anyone there realised that while acting out my freeze-frame diorama I was actually in mental torment.

Stop it! You sad b@stard” my rider was screaming at my elephant. But it was so hard. The fantasies started… how I could get to know Nice-Smile, we’d maybe meet before class for a coffee, get to know each other a bit, do it again, walk back from the class together, meet up at the weekend to go to Camden market, laugh over noodles afterwards, go to the theatre the next week, a kiss afterwards, and on and on and on.

I really am sickened with myself. But I could not stop these thoughts occuring. Things got even sadder, truly to a spectacularly twisted level of patheticness when I actually started fantasising that I was dating Nice-Smile then had an affair with Psycho-Eyes because our attraction was just too strong to deny. Tragic. Just unbelievably tragic.

So this is all pretty endemic of my Beta-ness. How can I change this? Well not so easy is it. First off I am just going to make a big effort to try and not to think these thoughts. Genius. Just try really hard. Nothing magical. Just really, really focus. I also plan to start meditation exercises which I am hoping will help with my self control.

Beyond this how can I retrain myself to just BE less-Beta? This lies with experience. I’m sure if I WAS Mr S8xworthy, who was regularly going out and pulling babes, who had regular, vigorous girlfriends, who regularly closed and dated, then I really would not give a second thought to “meeting someone at my class”.

Unfortunately as a logical human being I base beliefs off experience. To fully believe I am Alpha (or at least not quite so Beta-ery) I need to gain “reference experiences” to support this. Congratulations, welcome to Bootstrap territory. “Bootstrap?”. Well if you’re an IT guy you’ll know what I mean. You know when you install an Operating System on your PC it contains a “Bootstrapper”? This is the tiny little program which installs the OS.  It’s called that because it “pulls itself up by its own bootstraps”. This is what RAFCs in my position need to do. If you are at point A (for Alpha) then you will naturally be having reference experiences to support this. You will be in a positive feedback cycle. The best place of all to be. Odds on if you’re an RAFC then most of your previous experiences have been negative feedback cycles. How can you flip the wheel?

Fake it to make it.

Act like you are where you want to get to. Try and get one success. Then try and get another. Then slowly bit by bit claw your way towards your goal. When you get there it will all be a lot easier.

So I am not expecting my Beta-ness to end just because I am watching the Blueprint and want it to. I need to focus and I need to think right and I need to change it through hard-won reference experiences. I sincerely hope that when I get there the sad fantasies which actually even embarrass myself will end.

Categories: General

Online dating?

April 20, 2010 4 comments

My friend BG has gotten into online dating recently and signed up for Match.com and Match Affinity. I’ve been thinking about the pros and cons of having a go as well. On the plus side the women are all pre-invested in the idea of meeting someone. They are not out in bars giggling and capturing IOIs or like a lot of girls just not really sure what they want. They want a fella and that’s why they signed up.  On the down side generally the hotness level is not particularly high. A lot of these girls are off the boil: over 30 with that awful plumpness that British women do so well. BG was showing me some of the ‘selection’ available and I was seeing a lot of very average girls. They all seemed to have made a real effort with their pictures and worked on their profiles, which is great, but just a few little hints on the photos betrayed their approaching corpulence.
“Mmm, photo 3, look at the left arm, that’s not the arm of a thin woman”

“Nice photo but it’s that good a photo for the reason, she’s paid for a professional photographer”

“Check photo 2, look at the left of the jaw, you can see a fair double chin hiding there”

It’s amazing how many women had five photos up and looked hot on two, average on two, and ugly on one.

The other thing I’d be asking is why are they using online dating. Slim, attractive, 27 year old women with hobbies, interests and an active social life really shouldn’t be struggling to have a range of men to pick from. The counter argument is that London is a very lonely city and a lot of people dont have a good social life or know a lot of people outside of work.

BG was asking me if I’d sign up too and he suggested that even “having a few second-raters on the go” would be good practice and good for my self esteem. Maybe me doing this would be better for his self esteem than mine? Not sure. In the past I have on occasion, due to alcohol or not thinking I can get better, actually hooked up with girls I do not fully find attractive. I’ve always found it very bad for my self esteem. In fact the negative repercussions lasted for years. At certain points of my life it got even worse and I’d fail to pull women I didn’t actually find attractive.

On the fatness issue it could be suggested that I am a hypocrite, given my 20 lb post-Asia weight gain. My response to this is that since when is everything equal? So men only hook up with women who are exactly as attractive as they are? So the women earn as much money, have as good a job, are as intelligent and humorous as those guys, right? So the women actually chat up the men as much as the other way round right? Poppycock! Let me make something very clear. Women are not as intelligent as men. The women you end up with will almost certainly not have as good a job as you. She won’t be as funny or interesting as you and she certainly wont have made an effort to chat you up. She makes up for this by being ‘feminine’: gentle, submissive, sweet and ATTRACTIVE.

My other counter argument is one of evolution versus social conditioning. As I explained to BG my theory is that for 5 million years if a male was big then adding some fat just meant that apart from the obvious famine-survivability he was more capable of smashing other cavemen’s heads in as physical weight affects combat ability, so this was a positive thing. For a cavewoman being fat served no purpose apart from surviving famine.

We then got onto the bodies vs. face argument. For me body is very important. I’ve had a couple of beautiful girlfriends in the past (HB 9-10’s) and I’ve had cute/sweet looking ones with incredible magazine-level bodies.  My main past LTR was  a Taiwanese girl who most of my friends viewed as “small and cute but not hot”. Fools. They never saw her without her clothes on. Watch that Agent Provacateur advert with Kylie in it. Her body was like that. But yellower. And with bigger tits.

My conclusions? Face is for ‘face’. It’s nice to have them on your arm and show them off. But for serious bedroom work it’s the body you f*ck not the face (well you know what I mean). This has a big impact on online dating because if you’re body-driven, as I am, then it’s almost impossible to suss out beforehand the quality of the goods.

Another negative for online dating which is specific to me is that it is bypassing a skill I wish to achieve competence in. I want to be able to cold approach as this has always been a pathological fear for me. If I do online dating then it will not help me with this. Say if I got lucky then yeah, I would be hooked up with a ho but that core skill would still not have been developed. I’d be in the same situation as a lot of guys with girlfriends. They are not actually ‘good with women’. Yeah, they have one, but that was luck through work or their social contacts. If that finished they would be back on the market with no chops. I want to have those skills and I want to have those options.

A final positive on behalf of online dating. This is that it also makes it easier to help find someone with a similar physical location, attitude to career and educational background than yourself. Fair enough, but a cold approach and 30 seconds of questions in a bar can get you that too.

In conclusion I am as yet undecided. The temptation to have real world ready made day-2’s available is strong. However if I do sign up and start fishing I’ll still certainly continue with my game training as well.

Categories: General

Future plans..

April 18, 2010 Leave a comment

I’m getting obsessed with this life-change experiment. I’m obessed with the dynamics of male-female interaction. I heard Tyler on The Blueprint say “I went out a thousand nights straight” and I thought “oh that sounds like a great plan”. Now I can’t get the idea out of my head. I’m thinking that when my lease is up on my apartment late this year I’ll move somewhere right next to a bar area. Then maybe start going out every night for a few hours. Handy to have a place nearby to bring girls back to.. October is a long time away. Maybe I should move earlier..

Categories: General